Fuck, I feel like shit. I'm finally back and actually active here... not that it matters. It's not like I was ever really active before I stopped being active... if that actually made sense...
And it isn't as though anyone actually pays attention to any of my photography, which doesn't honestly bug me. And considering that I deleted all but five of my photographs means that I really need to rebuild my gallery.
But deleting almost everything was what I needed. Because with my new camera and more time to take better photographs, having my old photography (which I'm not really all that happy with anymore) seemed completely pointless.
But right at this moment I honestly just want to give up photography and pretty much everything else in my life. I just want to stop feeling like such shit... although feeling like this is making me take a LOT of photographs. Which I suppose could be a good thing if some of them turn out alright.

I've spent hours on hours crying my eyes out these past few days. And, if you've ever cried for long periods of time you probably have a good idea of how crappy I feel physically. I'm empty on the inside. I feel like I just cried my insides out along with all the tears. And yet I still manage to find a few more tears here and there that still need to get out of me. But really, I just want to go throw up right now. That's how fucking shitty I feel. I feel like I'm crumbling away from the inside to the outside, a very slow process. Damn, I hate the way this feels. I hate how it's even possible to feel this kind of utter agony. And I hate how old and worn I feel. I'm fourteen, and yet I feel like I should be millions of eons old. I really can't even describe how I feel right now, both emotionally and physically. I just feel like shit overall. Worse that shit. And I feel stupid and pathetic for complaining like this. Which, I guess doesn’t matter since I doubt anyone will see this. This it mostly just for myself... just to get all of this out. (Though it's not really working because I can't find the words to express how I feel at this moment.)

Well... I'm hoping that I'll actually be very happy with some of the recent photographs I've taken and maybe my gallery won't be a pile of crap. I hope that in the future I may possibly be successful on this site, that would be pretty great. But until then... I guess I just have to keep working on things, and rebuilding my gallery.

Damn, I fucking hate how I feel now. I want to take my camera and spend the rest of forever taking photographs. But I hardly have the energy to move my fingers over the keys. And yet I still find the energy to produce more tears and cry some more.
How on earth is it possible to feel so much pain... and yet be filled with this love and happiness...? How can I be this miserable while at the same time so fucking alive? How fucked up am I?